If I Lose Myself
by I'veLostMyPride
Summary: Love is pale skin with the black ink of tattoos. Love is purple eyes glimmering in the dark. Love is a fierce snarl coming out of those lips, it is a strong personality battling the world. Love is Ivan, and he is beautiful. Love is sky blue eyes and a loud mouth. Love is determination to be someone, it is a strong personality battling the world. Love is Alfred, and he is beautiful.


This is a HighSchool AU. Alfred is a known heartbreaker and Ivan is the moody punk that skips classes and fails tests. When Alfred is assigned to be Ivan's tutor, something unexpected happens.

Song: If I lose myself by OneRepublic

"HI!"- Talking

Really!? - Song lyrics

Song fic for fluffnights

Thanks for helping me fluffnights, loved your reviews and your offer to help me!

Warnings: RusAme, Mentions of alcohol

...00...00…

 _I stared up at the sun_

 _Thought of all other people_

 _Places and things I've loved_

He's sitting there and staring up. And he's wondering what love is. Love is a soft voice and polar bears, it is burnt scones and curses, it is roses and languages. It is family and it is beautiful.

 _I stared up just to see_

 _Of all other faces_

 _You are the one next to me_

A hand is thrusted into his face and he looks up to see someone pulling him up. Ivan.

 _You can feel the light start to tremble_

 _Washing what you know out the sea, yeah_

 _You can see your life_

 _Out the window, tonight_

His vision's hazy and he's feels kinda sick, but it's good and he's happy. Giddy really. It feels like he's looking through a window and he can't do anything but watch as he kisses the boy in black next to him.

 _If I lose myself tonight_

 _It'll be by your side_

 _If I lose myself tonight (Woah, woah, woah)_

 _If I lose myself tonight_

 _It'll be you and I_

 _Lose myself tonight_

He's lost all sense of control. He's an animal and he craves for the love only coming from Ivan like a predator to meat. And with that craving, his idea of love changes. Love is pale skin with the black ink of tattoos, love is plump lips pierced with a ring. Love is purple eyes glimmering in the dark. Love is a fierce snarl coming out of those plump lips, it is a strong personality battling the world. Love is Ivan, and he is beautiful.

 _I woke up with the sun_

 _Thought of all other people_

 _Places and things I've loved_

Sometimes, he wakes with the sun. And he stares at it, trying to define love. Love is short blonde hair and teal eyes, it is platinum hair with dark blue eyes. Love is family, and it is beautiful.

 _I woke up just to see_

 _Of all other faces_

 _You were the one next to me_

And then he wakes up. And next to him is one person he would never expect. Alfred.

 _You can feel the light start to tremble_

 _Washing what you know out the sea, yeah_

 _You can see your life_

 _Out the window, tonight_

And he remembers. He remembers the flashing lights and the alcohol. It's like looking at his life through a window. He remembers feeling happy with Alfred.

 _If I lose myself tonight_

 _It'll be by your side_

 _If I lose myself tonight (Woah, woah, woah)_

 _If I lose myself tonight_

 _It'll be you and I_

 _Lose myself tonight (Woah)_

He lost all sense of control. He was an animal that craves the love that only came from Alfred, and with that craving, his idea of love changes. Love is sky blue eyes and a loud mouth, it is the proclamation of heroes and burgers. It is the happiness when everything seems impossible. Love is determination to be someone, it is a strong personality battling the world. Love is Alfred, and he is beautiful.

 _Take us down and we keep trying_

 _40,000 feet, keep flying_

"He's not good for you Alfred. He'll break your heart."

"Of all the idiotic things, this is the worst."

"I know what love is. Listen to mon beau Arthur."

'This isn't love."

"This isn't love git."

"Mon ami, this is not love."

I don't believe you.

 _Take us down and we keep trying_

 _40,000 feet, keep flying_

"маленький брат. I-I do not think this will work."

"вялікі брат. Listen to Katyusha. He does not love you."

"I-I do not think this is love."

"It's just a crush. It is not love."

You're wrong.

 _Take us down and we keep trying_

 _40,000 feet keep flying_

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"I-I don't know. Just not here. I can't stand this place anymore."

 _Take us down and we keep trying_

 _40,000 feet keep flying_

They're somewhere. Hidden, where nobody will find them. Sitting on the hood of the car, they're staring at the sun as it sets and they know that this is love. Ivan is 18 and Alfred will be in a few months, all they have to do is wait.

 _Lose myself_

 _If I lose myself tonight_

"Ivan?

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"I love you too. We'll get through this. Together."

"Yeah."

Together.

...00...00...


End file.
